Cooking up a minefield


Graham has decided that I should grade everything he cooks from 1-10 as he’s got a new cookbook and wants to know what’s best. This can only end in tears. Mine.

I tried saying 10 for everything and was told off. I proffered a 7 for the Thai beef noodle soup and now he isn’t talking to me.

Why not, asked Knot

Knot Telling

Why everyone should like my friend Knot Telling’s blog at and facebook page at

Have you not liked Telling knots?
Asked Knot and if not,
Why not? Asked Knot.
For this site knocks the spots
Off other pages and blogs
Turns leopards into springboks,
Said Knot.

Didn’t you know, asked Knot,
That this site knocks the socks
Off cheer-leaders and jocks
Makes wannabe Hitchcocks
Push “snooze” on their clocks
Turns ordinary hacks into laughing-stocks,
Asked Knot.

Yes I do, replied Tim,
For the chances are slim
That it couldn’t charm cherubim
Fill a half-full glass to the brim
Mechanise kibbutzim
Captivate, fascinate, and infatuate homonyms.
All should like Telling Knots, replied Tim.

A smelly wait


Waiting for the bus and the woman standing next to me had really sweet, sickly perfume. “What smelly perfume,” I thought to myself.

Or rather, I thought I’d thought to myself. After a second I realised with horror that I’d said it out loud. And the bus was delayed.

That made for an interesting, awkward, resentment-filled wait…

The hidden costs of free services… Matron, take them away!

Kenneth Williams shocked
I have managed to create a new ring-tone and text-tone for my iPhone! You can hear the text-tone below if you wish. It would have been easier to buy one but, as people tend to, I like something for nothing.

Indeed I often expect it. I expect my social interaction on sites such as Facebook to be free, I expect sites such as Youtube to pander to my whim to hear childhood TV theme-tunes for free, and I expect large corporations such as Microsoft to provide my email for free. In the case of my bank I not only expect them to safeguard my money for free, but also to provide me with a free online service to manage that money and pay me interest for the privilege!

Continue reading

Early morning amusement

hot drink

One of the advantages of waking up early on a Sunday is that you get to see all the scurrilous and amusing drunken status updates from the night before, before people wake up and delete them.

Well poor show, people, I say this Sunday! Were you all just drinking ovaltine? Where’s the scandal? Where’re the embarrassing photos? Where are the indiscreet comments?

I’m expecting better next week, so go away and practice!


Cat with church behind it

Early one Sunday Yasmin,
With the meows of the street-cleaner outside
Calling the faithful to morning,

I swept up to find the bed-covers woken down:
A church on my chest,
Its whiskers tickling my matins cold.

Protesting its breakfast call
For a chin of tuna or an earful of biscuits,
I prayed it would let me wake on just one more bowl.

But the tinny sermon of fishy pleas
Lightly drove me from my breath
And I rose down to find the day had taken me.

Bedded open, the curtains loudly showed
The netted calling of passers-by
Proceeding up for salvation below.

I laced the bowls with hope and donned my dream,
I buttoned my questions and my coat,
I shod my gloves and joined the stream.

In Jerusalem there is a street

A mural of Jerusalem
In Jerusalem there is a street
Where two points of the compass meet.
And though carnivals there dance aplenty,
And demonstration a modus vivendi,
It is a place of quiet retreat.

For at the end of the street is a cave,
Where lizards will never behave.
Though spiders send a soul yelling,
It’s there brave translator, Knot Telling,
Surfs the electromagnetic wave.
Continue reading

No room at the inn

No Vacancy sign

News is breaking – and being widely commented upon on the various social media – that Peter and Hazelmary Bull have put their £750,000 Cornwall, UK B&B on the market due to poor guest numbers and legal costs. This is the married Christian couple who would not let a double room to gay civil partners Steven Preddy and Martyn Hall at Chymorvah Hotel in 2008 because they believe in sex only between married couples. The gay couple sued and won. The B&B owners appealed and lost.

The Bulls claim in addition to this they have been subjected to a hate campaign; vandalism (they say their car wheels were tampered with), death threats, a rabbit nailed to their fence and an orchestrated “sting operation” by gay activists. Opponents say that comments on the trip advisor website concerning their B&B show the true reason for their failure; It’s a real shame because it could be a lot better if the rooms were cleaner/up to date and fresh and the people running the hotel more hospitable.
Continue reading

The Internet (Net) versus the World Wide Web (Web)

Morph waving behind 3 Ws

I expect you knew this, but I thought that Tim Berners-Lee was the inventor of the Internet. I was wrong; in fact it was Vint Cerf and Bob Kahn.

Well, partly wrong because Tim invented the Web and it was actually my ignorance of the difference between the Net and the Web that was at fault.

The Net is the physical network of computers and hardware linked together and the Web is the collection of sites and information that the Net enables access to.

I know that I hadn’t appreciated the two sides to this before now – probably reflecting how seamless the whole experience usually is. Goes to show that you need both the means and the vision to make a real success.

He explains the difference below, although we are no further enlightened as to why he added the space within “world wide” or what the vision for this was. Maybe he did it just because he could.
Continue reading