One of the more ambiguous conversations I’ve had with a waiter.
Me: It was lovely but I just couldn’t finish it. Just the bill please.
Waiter (in an extremely thick Chinese accent): Are you travelling?
Me: (slightly surprised, but hey go with the flow) Yes I’m here for work.
Waiter: Are you a job seeker? (pronounced “seekerer”)
Me: (unsure if I’ve either misunderstood the words used or what he means by them) Erm… I’m here to do work. We have an office here.
Waiter: So you are not seeking work?
Me: No…I probably wouldn’t be here eating a delicious but expensive Chinese meal if I were looking for work.
Waiter: I am a job seeker.
Pause during which he looks at me expectantly and I look back even more unsure if I’ve grasped this conversation.
Me: But you work… You’re a waiter (I add helpfully).
Waiter: But that is only to pay the bills. So I am a job seeker. Like you.
Me: (Getting scared) I really have to go, can I please have the bill?
I’m still not convinced that either of us fully understood what the other was saying here. But it seems to me enigmatic enough to bear many interpretations, as fortunes are wont to be. Am I seeking something, beyond the usual cornerstones of home, food, love and work? Aren’t we all? Does it show so clearly in me that this man couldn’t help but comment?
We’ll never know because I ran all the way back to my room. As men are wont to do from fortune-tellers.
I won a wanton tonne of wontons when no one wanted a wan one!
Making up tongue twisters over a Chinese meal. The evenings fly by around here!
BS Social Care
Sometimes media messages are incongruously appropriate.
Definition of BS
BS, abbreviation. Often not capitalized, sometimes vulgar. Bullshit.
Graham has an expensive bottle of whisky in the cupboard, and I have an expensive bottle of brandy. Graham poured himself one of his whiskies and offered me one.
When I’d had finished it:
Me: Would you like one of my brandies?
Graham: Oh, I didn’t offer you a whisky just for a brandy in return.
Me, turning away to get on with something: Oh good.
I gave up my seat on the bus to an old woman, and then she started chatting to the man next to her about how dirty the bus was.
“Of course it’s because they’re all cleaned by bloody foreigners now,” she opined.
So I shoved her off the seat on to the floor and said, “I’ll have the dirty foreign-cleaned seat back then.”
Not reeeely, but I bloody felt like it.
Sitting on a train and an otherwise normal-looking suited man just got a sonic screwdriver out of his inside pocket, looked around furtively, changed a setting on it and put it back.
Dad, to little child on train: What’s been the best part of today?
Child: Spending the day with Mummy!
They know what they’re saying!!
For God’s sake, Mother, it’s only a fag.
You make it all sound as though it’s quite bad.
I like to smoke to give me a high
and who the hell cares whether or not I die.
I feel I’m in heaven – on top of the world!
Never to come down, unless there’s a hill.
And then I’ll accept the damage I’ve done
To my friends, and yourself. And not forgetting my lungs.
I’d rather be cremated instead of lying around
Under the earth way down in the ground.
At least I’ll then be what my cigarettes become;
A small pile of ash to blow away in the sun.
When you’re scrolling through a web sign-up page, the only thing more annoying than not knowing if they’ve got your country down as “Great Britain”, “United Kingdom”, “Britain”, or “England” is seeing that they have decided to go against alpha-numeric equity and put “United States” first! Sorry US friends, but it pisses me off!