You’re in trouble

Yogi meowing

The vet says that Yogi needs to have his urine tested for kidney function.
We have to use special cat litter in a tray and shut him in with it until he goes.
The urine will then float on top of litter to be syringed off and brought back to the vet within 12 hours.

Are you taking the piss? I asked him.
No, but you will be, he replied.

Naked jogging

Bum crack

Top life hack. Buy tracksuit bottoms that are slightly too long in the leg for you and you’re treading on the ends.

When you climb the stairs to bed you will find that the bottoms have removed themselves for you along with your pants, saving time in getting straight into bed.

If it ain’t broke…

whisky

 
When I was buying my lunch I saw a bottle of apple flavoured Jim Beam behind the counter, and was tempted.

Just had a little tipple and bleurgh!! Another bottle to sit in the cupboard until a late night gathering runs later than the off-licence closing time!