Bus racism rage

Angry bus

I gave up my seat on the bus to an old woman, and then she started chatting to the man next to her about how dirty the bus was.

“Of course it’s because they’re all cleaned by bloody foreigners now,” she opined.

So I shoved her off the seat on to the floor and said, “I’ll have the dirty foreign-cleaned seat back then.”

Not reeeely, but I bloody felt like it.

It’s only a fag

Burning cigarette
A guest post by Graham David Brown, written in his smoking days.

Hear the poem read by the author.

For God’s sake, Mother, it’s only a fag.
You make it all sound as though it’s quite bad.
I like to smoke to give me a high
and who the hell cares whether or not I die.

I feel I’m in heaven – on top of the world!
Never to come down, unless there’s a hill.
And then I’ll accept the damage I’ve done
To my friends, and yourself. And not forgetting my lungs.

I’d rather be cremated instead of lying around
Under the earth way down in the ground.
At least I’ll then be what my cigarettes become;
A small pile of ash to blow away in the sun.

Karma is a bitch

They tell us Karma’s a bitch, but also our best friend.
It all depends on how our inclinations blend.
For a day of good luck we take Gran out to dinner
Then bugger it all by breaking a mirror.

In life’s balance half rises as the other half dips,
And a stranger’s nadir is our solar eclipse.
The wishing-well in our garden, fished by a gnome,
Will recall to the vagrant his distance from home.

For every bad habit too pernicious to kick it
Someone else wins a thousandth of a lottery ticket.
And when bird-shit hits dropped from above
We thank our lucky stars we’ll be the object of love.
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Where are you from?


When you’re scrolling through a web sign-up page, the only thing more annoying than not knowing if they’ve got your country down as “Great Britain”, “United Kingdom”, “Britain”, or “England” is seeing that they have decided to go against alpha-numeric equity and put “United States” first! Sorry US friends, but it pisses me off!


Clickbait Rant or “What he read next made him throw the laptop out of the window”

Worm on a hook
Until about a month ago I was not aware of having heard the word “clickbait”, but I was already aware of what it represented. If you’re as un-internet-speak savvy as me I’ll explain with a few examples:

…what he saw next blew his mind”, “…but she NEVER expected this”, “the 10 most amazing life-hacks you didn’t know you didn’t know”.

These are links to fuller stories, or videos, that try to bait you into clicking by a mixture of hyperbole, misrepresentation, withholding of information and downright lies. There is some discussion as to what exactly represents “clickbait” but I’d sum it up as any link that deliberately withholds vital information on what will follow when that information could easily have been included in the link.

I hate these links for a myriad of reasons. When I initially caught on to them I was annoyed at having been duped for some time into clicking on links to articles and videos that I am not remotely interested in reading or viewing. I was annoyed that it had taken so long for it to click that I really was a worm on their marketing hook.
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When giants crawl

I once brimmed with hope and possibilities,
I thought I could skim the sun and surf the breeze.
With your words my wings withered with disease.
I walked with you.

You dreamed as well and these dreams came to nought.
Through me you thought your battles would be fought.
But mine are frail, my dear, and will not bear onslaught.
I covered you.

In frustrated fear you begin to sneer and then to grin
At every frail hope I’ve ever held within.
Where my skin once grew thick it now grows thin.
I’m crushed by you.

With mirthless intent you laugh and criticise
The truth I thought I glimpsed behind the lies.
And I know long before my last tear dries,
I’m over you.
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Is it right to stand up to bullies?

When Conchita Wurst, the bearded drag alter ego of Austrian Tom Neuwirth, won the Eurovision Song Contest 2014 it was a very clear two-fingered salute from the rest of Europe to Russia.

The harsh way that Russia has been applying their law to prevent “the promotion of homosexuality to minors” – effectively banning any public show of same-sex affection or tolerance – has caused outrage across the rest of Europe and the world. The situation in Ukraine has won them few friends to the west of that area either.

On the night of Eurovision it seemed that if their own country wasn’t going to win then almost everyone wanted Conchita to win. Her song was good by Eurovision standards, and well-delivered, so there was certainly every reason to champion her, but the strength of support inside the arena and out clearly showed that it was at least partly what she represented that was being supported.

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Situation Vacant

A pile of filing on a table creaks.
A crumpled bag of washing reeks.
An unused Hoover round a corner peeks.
An unwashered tap in the bathroom leaks.

An abandoned sock on the floor’s alone.
An unironed heap has hidden the phone.
Unchecked moss on the decking has grown.
Oh won’t someone come help me clean this home?

One of the cats has just been sick,
So I’ll have to rush and mop it quick
Or I’ll find that the other has eaten it.
Oh. Too late. The little sh..kitty kit.

I don’t ask much, just a wipe or two
Over the smear of spilt Irish stew
That has now congealed and turned to glue
And gained a beautiful rainbow hue.
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